Eyes wide open

Fifteen years ago life changed forever! We had children. I don't remember much about my thoughts on how family life would be--most likely it was very unrealistic as I dreamed of perfect children and a daily picture perfect scene that you would see on the cover of the Ensign. Of course, I have a different view now and my eyes are wide open, sometimes in shock (I didn't know it would be like this! or "what have I gotten myself into") other times I'm trying not to miss any precious moments-because like all experienced parents say: "it goes really fast". In the early years of having children, days were eternally long but the years seemed to be going by pretty quickly. Now I feel like each day goes by very quickly and the years....I feel like it's so fast I'm missing it.

Another school year has begun and I find myself yet again in awe of how quickly time is going. David is now a Sophomore; do I really only have 3 more years left before he heads off on his own exciting adventures? Sarah has begun her first year at middle school enthusiastically jumping with both feet in participating in the Advanced program called "EDGE" and joining track the 2nd day of school with plans to join many clubs after that. Hannah begins 3rd grade a little nervous at not having her "bestest" friends in her class. Then comes out after her first day introducing me to her "new" friend and has a scrap piece of paper with her phone number written on it.

Now after 15 years of having one or more children at home to tend, teach, nurture, entertain my baby begins Kindergarten. I feel that this should not be a shock to the system; after all, he has been in Preschool for the past two years. I keep telling myself that "I should not be surprised," that "I knew this would happen, in fact you have wanted this to happen. What about your endless list of what you can do 'once all the kids are in school.' " Now that list doesn't seem so important.

Before Devin gave the children Father's Blessings he asked Seth if he was worried about anything; Seth said, "...that I will miss you." His simple sweet response broke the dam I had been building to help keep me together while I let my youngest go face the world of Elementary School. Will his teachers understand him the way I do? Will they be patient with him? Will they see how smart he is and will it be enough to help him have confidence for the other challenges he will face? How will the other children react to him? Will he be able to make friends? His social skills are so much better than I ever expected thanks to the early intervention he received at Polton Preschool. I will forever be indebted to the amazing team that worked with him (Ms. Alissa, Ms. Esther, Ms. Leslie, Ms. MaryBeth, Ms. Angel, Ms. Jenny, Ms. Beth....). I wish they could move up with him; but I suppose they must continue to work their magic with other children like Seth.

Seth has been soooo excited to go to Kindergarten at his new school. He had colored a map of the school we printed off: his classroom is blue, the art room is rainbow, music room is red, Science is Pink, the library brown and Hannah's classroom is purple "because that is her favorite color". We've met his teacher, got his backpack with all of his school supplies ready by the door and his favorite shirt washed and ready (a Lego Star Wars shirt). As he is going to bed he tells Devin and me how the morning will go: "1st- scriptures, 2nd-breakfast, 3rd-get dressed, 4th-get my backpack and take a picture, THEN go to school!" He woke up 3 times during the the night before his first day; I don't think its even that bad on Christmas eve. The morning went as he described and he was ready to go 5 min before we needed to leave. His teacher Ms. Thomas puts a "My name is..." sticker on his chest and Seth doesn't even mind; she gives me a tissue and I mind very much as I try to keep things together. It was exciting to see other children lining up including 3 girls from his Church primary class--they all said "Hi!" to Seth and he even said "Hi" back.
He has friends.
Because we were there so early we waited a good 15 minutes before his class was ready to go into the building--an eternity for a 5 year old (and myself). So we played "I spy." Then it was finally time to go. As he walks through the door, he stops...turns around....waves to me and says "Bye Mom! I love you!" The tears begin.

I drive in the car not knowing what radio station to listen to and so it stays off. I run errands and come home to a very quiet house. The quiet I so desired seems so loud and empty now. Where is the joy in the freedom I craved? I'm sure it will come; I will wait with my eyes wide open.

Seth's first day was a hit! He loved it and asked, "Do I get to go to school tomorrow?" I told he would. He pumped his fist and said, "YES!"